


Vulnerability

by mvlfxy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, implied bff gyuhao, implied jungyu if you squint, implied self harm attempt, mingyu jun jihoon mentioned, not really that dark it just mild angst.. or i hope so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 06:13:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18911194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mvlfxy/pseuds/mvlfxy
Summary: some days just wasn't the best for minghao. hugs and cuddles would do.To me you are very preciousI love youI will hug you.





	Vulnerability

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically a word vomit. self projection on minghao i'm so sorry for hurting him. (wow i can never write without projecting huh..)  
> italicized words are either monologue or lyrics.

Minghao

Contrary to popular beliefs, it wasn’t dark road that you envision when you’re losing hope in life. At least that wasn’t the case for Minghao.

It was white. Everything seems white and too bright. Like you were trapped in a big doorless room. Minghao’s head hurts. Eyes shutted tight but, the brightness dazzled him still.

Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Breathing becomes harder. As if there is a huge ball of lump stucked in his lungs, clenching the airway, blocking oxygen from entering and exiting the trachea. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… _"It’s not working. Why isn’t it working? Please, think of something else! Fast!!"_

His visions were getting blurrier. _"Oh god this is super painful."_ He was tired of finding the way out of this huge windowless doorless room. _"How do I escape? Please help me, how do I escape? I want to escape!"_

Absentmindedly, Minghao hugged his knees tighter. Shaking his body back and forth. Fingers fidgeting around, tapping his calf, touching his toes, scratching the back of his neck. Lip was bitten and bleeding. But (un)surprisingly, it feels nothing. You know, when one feels too much at once, they feel nothing? Numb?

_"Do I fight or do I give up?"_

_"I can see nothing, my head is about to explode, this room is an endless maze with no door. It’s too bright in here it’s blinding. Maybe these are signs after all. To let it go. Should I let it go? What is the point anyway? This pain is endless. What’s the point? What is the point?!"_

He laid down. Eyes wide open now. Heart pounding so loud it felt like bursting out of the ribcage, the pounding sound was echoing throughout the entire room. Too loud. The flashing light burned his eyes, his head was on the verge of exploding. Everything felt too much. He just wanted to drown himself, to end this all.

_Today, too, the words can't be said_  
_And can only be reflected in one's heart_  
_It's hard, it's hard, it's hard._

* * *

 

Wonwoo

“Myungho? Myungho?!!”

The thing is, Minghao never share whenever he’s having a hard time. But after years and years of being by each other’s sides, Wonwoo learned a thing or two about reading the members’ mannerism. Minghao isn’t the type to burden people with his troubles and that’s the exact reason of why Wonwoo was restless at the moment. Minghao.

“Xu Minghao where are you at?”

After finishing their dance training earlier, Minghao didn’t talk to anyone and went straight back to dorm. Which is unusual as Minghao always go back with Mingyu or Wonwoo. Or any of the members but he looked to be in, rush? And Wonwoo knew something was off. To be fair, he had sensed it since earlier that morning, Wonwoo caught Minghao spacing out. Wonwoo wanted to go after Minghao, walking back to dorm with him, but Jihoon wanted to talk to hip hop unit about lyric writing.

_No matter how much you hide it_  
_You know you can't hide it forever._

“Myungho can you hear me? Myungho- oh my god Myungho what are you doing here. Myungho-“ Wonwoo’s voice softened when he saw Minghao’s condition. No, he’s shaking, but he can’t let Minghao hear that.

Minghao was found laying down in the corner of their balcony, hugging his knees, shaking. Tears were streaming down out of his eyes. A small knife was spotted not too far from him, untouched. Or Wonwoo assumed it was untouched as there wasn’t any proof visible on Minghao.

Wonwoo went to sit next to Minghao.

“Hey there. You were in rush just now. Didn’t even wait for me huh.”

No answer from Minghao. As expected. But his ragged breath slowly calming down. Very slowly. Wonwoo tried touching the tip of Minghao’s fingers. He flinched a little but didn’t pull away. Wonwoo took that as green light to hold Minghao’s hand. Minghao leaned on Wonwoo’s touch.

“Jihoon told us about our assignment for lyric writing. Mingyu was sad you didn’t wait for him. But Jun did though. You should see Mingyu’s face when he saw Jun waited for him. Priceless.”

Minghao’s breathe was back to normal now. Wonwoo helped Minghao sit. He’s still very weak.

“I’ll get you a glass of water.”

The thing is, it broke Wonwoo to see Minghao like this. Getting a glass of water is a lame excuse, to excuse himself. He and Minghao both knew this. But Minghao do need some fluid in his system so they didn’t say anything.

Wonwoo wiped the tears in his eyes away and took a deep breathe. He need to be strong in front of Minghao. Now, more than ever.

With a glass full of water, Wonwoo went back outside to Minghao.

“Hyung-“

“Drink this first. Finish the whole glass.”

And Minghao did.

“Hyung-“

“Let’s move inside shall we? The others won’t be back until much much time later.”

And so Wonwoo helped Minghao to get inside, sitting on the sofa. To say Minghao was weak was an understatement. The boy was limping, he depended all of his weight on Wonwoo. Not that Minghao weight that much.

“Hyung, sorry. Should’ve waited for you.” Minghao’s voice hoarse.

With that, Wonwoo cradled Minghao’s face and pulled him in a hug but careful enough not to crash him. Minghao can’t see his tears. Minghao shouldn’t see it.

“Shhh.. I am so sorry.”

You see, this is the part where Minghao is wrong. He is never a trouble. He would never burden Wonwoo, or any of the members, with the baggage he’s carrying.

“Hyung. It hurts. I am scared. It hurts so much I didn’t know what to do.”

“Shhh, I’m here. Always next to you. You can always tell me anything, you do know that.”

_Don't be sorry, don't worry_  
_Don't be scared, now don't cry_

“You were exhausted.”

“It’s okay, I’m okay. Never too tired to talk to you, to listen to you.”

_To me you are very precious_  
_You can tell me today was tough._

* * *

 

Minghao

Wonwoo has always been too nice to Minghao. Laughing at Minghao’s jokes, holding Minghao’s hands, walking Minghao back to dorm, even when Wonwoo live in a different unit and Minghao can always just walk with the others. Minghao couldn’t further bother Wonwoo with irrelevant personal issue. That would be selfish of him. What should he even say? I don’t feel so good?

Coming to term with his own issue is a thing, trying to ask for help is another. What is his issue? Insecurities? Minghao is pretty confident in himself but that doesn’t mean he can’t feel helpless and worthless still. You see, talking it out is complicated. It doesn’t even make any sense. He couldn’t even convince himself about his real problem. Some days he just feels like he’s running out of time, like he’s not doing enough. It just sounds stupid if it’s spoken out loud. Minghao didn’t want to sound stupid in front of Wonwoo. Nor Mingyu nor his other members. But yeah, especially Wonwoo.

But seeing Wonwoo being so broken to see Minghao in this condition, broke Minghao’s heart too. Wonwoo’s voice was too soft and careful, but he couldn’t fool Minghao. Maybe talking it out didn’t sound so selfish after all. Maybe not talking it out, is selfish.

“Thank you hyung. Won’t scare you again next time. I’m so sorry.”

_I am here, you suffered a lot_  
_I love you_  
_I will hug you_

Wonwoo cupped Minghao’s face in his hands and planted a chaste kiss on his forehead before pulling Minghao in a hug again.

“I love you, Myungho. Please do not scare me ever again. Talk to me.”

“I love you hyung.”

* * *

 

_Whenever it's hard [for you]_  
_You can get a hug from me_  
_I am the same_

* * *

 

When the members went back that night, they found the two cuddling with each other on Minghao’s bed. No one said anything. Not like it’s a weird sight anyway.

Well except maybe Mingyu was too jumpy after that day, he almost woke Minghao up (he didn’t even live in the same unit). But Jun had a way of shutting Mingyu up.

**Author's Note:**

> song: SEVENTEEN - 포옹 (Hug)
> 
> \- wonwoo has the key for minghao's apartment unit. i just imagine them all have both units' key just because.  
> \- mingyu is a good friend but minghao could be very very secretive sometimes.  
> \- minghao's character is a self projection bc he said he usually wont share his problems if hes hurting to not burden the members :(  
> \- wasnt implied anywhere but i just want you to know that wonhui and junhao are bffs too  
> \- just a sucker for wonhuigyuhao ot4 tbh
> 
> thank you for reading! kudos and comments are deeply appreciated. follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/xichen_n)!


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